cuts....scars....tears

THE END!!!

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 02:26:33 GMT

THIS WILL BE MY LAST ENTRY IN THIS JOURNAL

.....if you still want to read up on me i will be posting very often in my new one xxxunityxxx ask me and ill add you ......

THE END!!!

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 02:24:26 GMT

THIS WILL BE MY LAST ENTRY IN THIS JOURNAL </>

.....if you still want to read up on me i will be posting very often in my new one xxxunityxxx ask me and ill add you ......

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 05:18:04 GMT

i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him i dont like him ...... i think i like him.....

on a liighter note... warped = awesome!

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 21:51:28 GMT

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 14:52:01 GMT

weridest dream ever

i was at basils again and i just moved back to toronto but it wasnt basils it was bear creek and people from basils was there but so where people from bear creek (allison and amber) idont knwo it was so werid

i came to the conclusion that i still long for toronto but so many people in barrie now mean so much to me that i can never change back to basils no matter how much i try.

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 23:59:38 GMT

yea this is odd. i dont really have anything to complain about except my tongue hurting...but thats because i decided to pierce it. oh and i miss amber and allison, ambers camping (eww) and allison i dont know just havent talked in a while

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 20:11:46 GMT

LETS GET WARPED!!!

whos coming to warped tour.... i sure am i hope my tongue is all better by then.....NO ORAL FOR TWO WEEKS NO DRINKING FOR TWO WEEKS!!!!!

ha this is going to be awesome

im so excited

i miss amber

i hate that kaley cant come

whos coming??

new pics of me

yes yes got a new piercing hurts so much meh oh well im a baby i know i know

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 05:21:34 GMT

decided to make a new journal for friends only comment if you want to be added

www.livejournal.com/users/xxxunityxxx

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 04:43:03 GMT

today:
1) went to wor
2) came home and washed
3) went to umbros
4) went to movie with umbro
5) had coffee.....with umbro
6) walked home with umbro

im confussed i think i want a relationship and i can only really think of one guy that wants one with me and i dont think i want one with him. sure hes nice and such but not my type at all hes wuirt and monotoned and doesnt listen to teh same music as me and we really dont ever have anything to talk about. i think im leadin ghim on and i feel bad about it. i want something more then him though. that sounds horrible but you people (amber allison (maybe)) know who im talking about and maybe know what i mean. hes not for me. im tired of being single im tired of liking the same guy since i was 5 and not being able tobe with him. im tired of being told i have no heart. i hate having him call and tell me about who he made out with but how much he loves me and doesnt want me to have a boyfriend and wait till he comes to see me at warped and what a great day we are going to have just like old times. i miss him more then anything and i cant tell him because he wont take me seriously.

i hate this feeling.

it kinda is like.... being empty forever

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 03:30:13 GMT

1. i lie alot
2. i dont eat allot any more because im fat
3. i keep most of my emotions inside
4. i dont liek most of the people i play on to as liking
5. i joke when im scared
6. i laugh when im scared
7. i cry .. allot
8. i used to cut
9. i still cut when things get horrible
10. im cinstantly lonely
11. i feel bad for myself allot
12. i dont really have allot of friends
13. i hardly have a social life
14. i do things to make people like me
15. i want attension
16. i hate when people look at me
17. i hate myself allot
18. i want to smile more
19. i never tell people who i liek even though i have tons of crushes
20. i love love but hate love for hurting me so many times

and he walked on...

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 14:24:55 GMT

....five minutes and the bus shows up get on and to my surprise there is only but one other person on the bus sitting near the back so i gladly take a seat near the middle, one of the seats that seat two people.... when to my surprise hes standing now but two stops down for me ... and he walks on to the bus and smiles at me like usual...and sits right infront of me and turns sidways to talk to me... ..... hey hows it going... i smile and reply happily.... not bad, you seem to be stalking me ... and that super he lets out a heavenly laugh/giggle sort of thing that makes ever girl smile.... so it would seem and i thought i was the only person under 30 that woke up this early for the bus ... i look around feeling odd that i cant remeber his name and i really doubt that he can remeber mine i dont know him all i know is hes HOT and lives down the street from me..... as the bus ride continues we talk about shows and music mostly stoping slightly to make fun of people then the most dredfull moment comes.... we reach the bus terminal ... so i guess ill see you around.... i guess so ....well its always a joy to talk to you bye .....byes...... .....i see him reach one of his fabulous friends as they ask who was that......oh a girl that lives near me shes awesome.... i smile a little and walk on...... its werid how i dont even know him and i know he is perfect for me and i know im never going to actually tell him that but i will live in this little dream for a bit longer.......

wow im so emo

moving out

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 22:37:18 GMT

IF ANYONE KNOWS OF ANY APARTMENTS OR ROOMS FOR RENT FOR CHEAP PLEASE TELL ME I NEED TO MOVE OUT BEFORE I SERIOUSLY KILL MYSELF.

IM LOOKING FOR JUST A BEDROOM IN A BASEMENT OR SOMETHING.

EITHER IN TORONTO OR BARRIE OR NEWMARKET PR PENETANG OR MISSASAUGA OR OAKVILLE... PRETTY MUCH ANYWHERE

MESSAGE ME OR CALL

7057922952

ASK FOR JESS

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 16:50:03 GMT

wow i didnt think i would ever say this, i cant wait to go back to work. then i wont have to deal with my sister. shes so fucked.

anyways

shit odd

i dont like it its to werid

oh well

byes

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 16:16:48 GMT

its my house
its my house
its my house
its my home
its my home
its my home
i hate you
i hate you
i hate it here

she takes it away from me ... every ... everything i have been building up for the past 2 years in barrie.....trust.......freedom......self respect..... resently things have been good ive felt good ive been out doing stuff.... now she moves in... I HATE HER!..... i really do... i hate the little comments she makes...like....should you tell her when to be home.... should i know where shes going.... doesnt she have a job to do......no mo i can do that dont worry she does nothing anyways.......why is she so lazy......has she done anything today....no she cant come it will be to crouded.....

im moving....
i came to that conclusion earlier when my mom asked if i wanted to come out but then took back that question when she so nicely put it..."no mom its only you me and the girls today"
im going to move north

dont know where north yet but yes i think ill move north......

or maybe ill just move far far away id like to try and hitch hike to edmonton or vancover... something exciting.

i cant live here is she does

she took my home my house away...

i hate her

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 16:54:08 GMT

so liz and carrie call me and i think fuck in getting fired but what

IM GETTING PROMOTED!

i just got off probation and im getting promoted isnt that fucking awesome

ha

KALEY AND ALEX HERE ARE THE PLANS

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 00:36:19 GMT

amber and i will hit toronto at about 8:00am
her and i are gunna get coffee
then meet you two at osgood at 10
deal?

week

Tue, 22 Jun 2004 02:04:11 GMT

monday - exam bowling with amber
tuesday -exam hot tub with amber
wednesday drivers ed work and ambers sleeping over
thursday- toronto with amber, alex and kaley
friday- party ....with amber....HAHAHA

Sun, 20 Jun 2004 17:37:59 GMT

ok so thursday its amber kaley alex and i downtown......any objections? what time? where?

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 17:55:06 GMT

I DID IT!!!

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 03:01:29 GMT

SEPTUM TOMARROW!

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 20:50:51 GMT

stuff to do
17- staff meeting and last driving class
18- history exam and work
19- work
20-work
21- english exam and 3some date with amber and jeff;);)
22- anthro exam
23 first in car driving class and work
24- TORONTO WITH UMBRO (kaley u in?)
25- PARTY!!!
26-work
27-work

thast as far as i have planed so far

im in toronto soon anyone wanna chill?

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 02:15:09 GMT

i hate this.
came home from drivers ed to what?
my aunt here to talk to me about how ive"changed"
i know ive changed
anyone who used to know me knows ive changed
im cold
heartless
dont care
wanna be tough
but im not. and i hate it. i hate having break downs. i hate crying because it makes me feel inferior
i hate how i constantly try and change my look because i hate it.
i told matt i need to loss weight.
he said he loves me the way i am
i answered
thats not the point i dont love me
she (my aunt) kept reminding me that im the oldest and that im her favorite
and inside i was screaming stop im not i have an older sister im not the oldest i dont want to be your favorite. but i cant tell her i cant tell anyone. i cant share feelings with people in person. i did once. with keegan. and look what that got me. a fucking broken heart and no emotions.
i feel dead inside.
maybe i am.
maybe ill be a slut.
have sex to feel wanted then be depresed.
im depressed anyways.
ive decided to quit smokeing. no point to it.
i also promised amber i would.
one more smoke tonight then im done forever.
im gunna stop now because im being a baby. ill just not vent anymore itmakes me more upset.

yours truly.
jess

p.s

it hurts that my mom wouldnt talk to me about this. it really does.

MOST RECENT PICS

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 22:10:18 GMT

me smiling...... i fucked around with teh colour just a tade..

this is me being a slut... i also fucked around with the colour on these

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 21:55:34 GMT

You are Donnie Darko! You are confused and mentally
unstable but you are a truly great guy who just
wants to love, be loved, and not die alone.
"I promise one day everything will be
better for you."

Which Donnie Darko Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 20:53:30 GMT

You're Nny! You're psychotic and kind of evil, but
somewhere in there is an emotion. Good luck
finding it.

What Johnny the Homicidal Maniac character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla